Sunday, January 22, 2012
An Invitation
Would you like to be a part of helping me bring Mikaiya home? I know that many, many of you would jump at the chance to make a tangible difference in the life of an orphan. Right now, there is nothing in the physical realm that any of us can "do" to bring her home. But I happen to believe in a God who rules over the hearts of kings (presidents), outcasts (orphans), and everyone in between. So beginning this Wednesday (January 25), I will be fasting and praying weekly for my daughter and the handful of other families who are in the same situation. Would you consider joining me? Fasting is simply choosing to give up something meaningful in order to better focus on the Lord. Many people choose to refrain from eating as a fast, but it could also be something like choosing to turn off your TV or computer (or smart phone) that day. Regardless of whether you join me in fasting, would you make a point to set aside a few moments that day to pray for these children? Thank you!
Friday, January 20, 2012
The Persistence of Hope (warning: long post ahead!)
In case you guys haven't figured this out yet, Mikaiya's adoption is turning out to be absolutely nothing like Matani's was. Matani's adoption took 8 months from the day I applied to adoption agency until I brought her home. Yeah...it was that quick and utterly uncomplicated.
In the 10 months since sending in my application and paperwork to begin the process again, I've gone from expecting to bring home an infant to falling in love with and choosing a 4-5 year old girl. I first thought I would be bringing home a child by last Fall, then readjusted that estimate to Christmas. Now, more than 6 months after choosing the little girl whom I hope will become my daughter, I find that there has still been no progress toward her coming home. Still waiting for that abandonment decree, which is the Congolese verification that she is really an orphan and eligible to be adopted.
A couple weeks ago, I (and a few other families who are in the same situation) learned that the reason this decree has not yet been issued to our lawyer in the Congo is because the Congolese government has already issued it to an Italian adoption agency, whose lawyer filed the paperwork sometime before ours. Basically, as long as they hold that abandonment decree, the Italian agency holds the "rights" to adopt her out to one of their families. Our (my adoption agency, lawyer, and myself) understanding is that this Italian agency has not yet "matched" her with a family, and so have agreed to release the decree and have it transferred to my agency. However, as of right now, it will not be until sometime in February that they are able to do this. The Congolese staff of this Italian agency have apparently been somewhat reserved about sharing all of the details, so we're not entirely sure when exactly this might happen. And actually, while we have no reason to doubt that they will do as they've said and give us the decree, neither do we have any guarantee that it will happen.
10 days ago when I learned of all these details, I was crushed. I felt as if any hope of bringing this beautiful little girl home had been snuffed out in the murky waters of all the questions, variables, and unknowns. I spent most of that day at work trying not to throw up and/or burst into tears. I questioned the Lord that day on so many things. He reminded me that He will come through...Always. Not necessarily in the ways I expect or want, but He will never fail me.
As I struggled through the next few days, trying to figure out where my faith was going to land, I slowly became aware of the flicker of a tiny flame that I thought had been thoroughly extinguished.
Hope.
Hope that I will not just bring a child home, but this child.
Hope that I will bring her home sooner than seems possible right now.
Hope that the extra months spent in an orphanage will not be too damaging for her.
But most of all, Hope that my God is good and that His plans are worth waiting for. Because really, this is the only safe place to put my hope. Everyone and everything else will fail at one time or another. But God will not. In the Bible, the book of Lamentations is aptly named. It is full of grief and pain. But in chapter 3, the author reminds himself of the goodness of God in the midst of agony.
Lamentations 3: 21-23
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
It's true, I may end up bringing home a different little girl than the one whose face I'm so in love with. And you know what? If that happens, I'll still have another beautiful daughter, and an orphan will still have a family. And I may not bring her home until the summer, or fall, or winter. But in the end, she will come home. And I will trust that God's timing is perfect.
In the meantime, as I wait on the Lord, I will also allow this persistent hope to continue that little "A" will become Mikaiya. And I am also choosing to pray, beyond all reason and logic, that I will be able to travel to pick her up by my birthday, May 2nd. I believe it will take a miracle for this to happen. If it doesn't, I'm sure I'll grieve and weep, and perhaps even yell at God a bit. But I will not lose hope in Him and His promises.
I know this post is long...congratulations if you've made it this far! I'd like to finish it with the words to another song that the Lord has used to encourage me, and which epitomizes my hope:
In the 10 months since sending in my application and paperwork to begin the process again, I've gone from expecting to bring home an infant to falling in love with and choosing a 4-5 year old girl. I first thought I would be bringing home a child by last Fall, then readjusted that estimate to Christmas. Now, more than 6 months after choosing the little girl whom I hope will become my daughter, I find that there has still been no progress toward her coming home. Still waiting for that abandonment decree, which is the Congolese verification that she is really an orphan and eligible to be adopted.
A couple weeks ago, I (and a few other families who are in the same situation) learned that the reason this decree has not yet been issued to our lawyer in the Congo is because the Congolese government has already issued it to an Italian adoption agency, whose lawyer filed the paperwork sometime before ours. Basically, as long as they hold that abandonment decree, the Italian agency holds the "rights" to adopt her out to one of their families. Our (my adoption agency, lawyer, and myself) understanding is that this Italian agency has not yet "matched" her with a family, and so have agreed to release the decree and have it transferred to my agency. However, as of right now, it will not be until sometime in February that they are able to do this. The Congolese staff of this Italian agency have apparently been somewhat reserved about sharing all of the details, so we're not entirely sure when exactly this might happen. And actually, while we have no reason to doubt that they will do as they've said and give us the decree, neither do we have any guarantee that it will happen.
10 days ago when I learned of all these details, I was crushed. I felt as if any hope of bringing this beautiful little girl home had been snuffed out in the murky waters of all the questions, variables, and unknowns. I spent most of that day at work trying not to throw up and/or burst into tears. I questioned the Lord that day on so many things. He reminded me that He will come through...Always. Not necessarily in the ways I expect or want, but He will never fail me.
As I struggled through the next few days, trying to figure out where my faith was going to land, I slowly became aware of the flicker of a tiny flame that I thought had been thoroughly extinguished.
Hope.
Hope that I will not just bring a child home, but this child.
Hope that I will bring her home sooner than seems possible right now.
Hope that the extra months spent in an orphanage will not be too damaging for her.
But most of all, Hope that my God is good and that His plans are worth waiting for. Because really, this is the only safe place to put my hope. Everyone and everything else will fail at one time or another. But God will not. In the Bible, the book of Lamentations is aptly named. It is full of grief and pain. But in chapter 3, the author reminds himself of the goodness of God in the midst of agony.
Lamentations 3: 21-23
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
It's true, I may end up bringing home a different little girl than the one whose face I'm so in love with. And you know what? If that happens, I'll still have another beautiful daughter, and an orphan will still have a family. And I may not bring her home until the summer, or fall, or winter. But in the end, she will come home. And I will trust that God's timing is perfect.
In the meantime, as I wait on the Lord, I will also allow this persistent hope to continue that little "A" will become Mikaiya. And I am also choosing to pray, beyond all reason and logic, that I will be able to travel to pick her up by my birthday, May 2nd. I believe it will take a miracle for this to happen. If it doesn't, I'm sure I'll grieve and weep, and perhaps even yell at God a bit. But I will not lose hope in Him and His promises.
I know this post is long...congratulations if you've made it this far! I'd like to finish it with the words to another song that the Lord has used to encourage me, and which epitomizes my hope:
Forever Reign, by Jason Ingram & Ruben Morgan
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting
Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting
Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Always
More soul-crushing news from the adoption agency today. Another delay. More waiting. More uncertainty. All I want to do is fall apart...curl into a little ball...cry my eyes out...hide from the world. Though I'm not feeling it right now, I know the words to this song by Kristian Stanfill are true, and I'm holding onto them tonight. For now, this is my prayer and my lifeline.
My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always
Trouble surrounds me, chaos abounding
But my soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always
I life my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord...
My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always
Trouble surrounds me, chaos abounding
But my soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always
I life my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord...
Friday, January 6, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Prayer Needed
The last few days have been pretty emotionally challenging for me. I learned of a possible complication in being able to adopt the little girl whose face I've fallen in love with over the past 6 months. There is also a very hopeful solution, which the precious and hard-working staff at Celebrate Children International are taking steps toward, but I don't yet know what the end result will be.
Please pray with me that God will be in charge of this situation and that His plan will be accomplished, both for me and for this little girl. My heart is to bring her home as a part of our family, but even more than that I want her to be in the family that God has for her. She is first and foremost His daughter, and I trust Him to do what is best for her. If He chooses to place her with me, I will be thrilled and honored. If He has another family for her, then I trust that He also has another little girl who is meant to be my daughter.
Please also pray for me, that I will rest in the Lord and trust Him, and that there will be a quick resolution to this. The most difficult thing for me right now is just the waiting without knowing. While it is difficult and painful, I can already see that the Lord is growing good things in me and teaching me more about following Him through this process. I am being reminded that as a Christian, the biggest goal of my life is to bring Him glory. And if my pain brings Him more glory than my comfort...so be it. I will gladly submit myself to His will in order to glorify Him.
Please pray with me that God will be in charge of this situation and that His plan will be accomplished, both for me and for this little girl. My heart is to bring her home as a part of our family, but even more than that I want her to be in the family that God has for her. She is first and foremost His daughter, and I trust Him to do what is best for her. If He chooses to place her with me, I will be thrilled and honored. If He has another family for her, then I trust that He also has another little girl who is meant to be my daughter.
Please also pray for me, that I will rest in the Lord and trust Him, and that there will be a quick resolution to this. The most difficult thing for me right now is just the waiting without knowing. While it is difficult and painful, I can already see that the Lord is growing good things in me and teaching me more about following Him through this process. I am being reminded that as a Christian, the biggest goal of my life is to bring Him glory. And if my pain brings Him more glory than my comfort...so be it. I will gladly submit myself to His will in order to glorify Him.
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