Day 2

Still going great! The girls continue to get along with each other and with me so very well. There were some definite moments of sibling tension at times today, which I’m actually glad to see. I hope it means they are starting to feel comfortable enough to let a tiny portion of their guard down. Ada is fully stepping into her role as oldest sister, and is already trying to boss Kaiya around. As you might guess, this is one of the things that makes for a bit of tension, as Kaiya is not really buying into this whole idea. And since I want Ada to be able to be a child, without needing to act like a little mother, I’m encouraging her to step back and let me handle the things that need to be handled.

Ada is independent, competitive, and not the least bit afraid to ask for what she wants. It’s so hard not being able to understand what she’s trying to say sometimes! But with some sign language, a lot of pointing, and a French translation app, we’re getting by. J Tonight as we were reading a story before bed, she gave the first signs that she’s interested in learning some English words. And voila! She can now count to 10 in English. She’s also so sweet to Kaiya (when she’s not bossing her around). This morning, Kaiya found a box of hair beads that I’d packed and was enamored with them. Ada immediately sat down behind her and started tying them into her hair. Kaiya was thrilled! Sweet sisters. J

Kaiya is my little clown. Her smile could seriously light up the darkest room! She loves to laugh, loves to sing, and loves to be silly. She doesn’t stay still for long, and truly does have a little mischievous streak. She’s also so generous and kind. She shares her food with Ada, which is a huge thing for a child who has known hunger! She also occasionally shares her toys, though that’s a little more up in the air. J She’s also a little snuggler and loves to be right up against me.  When we Skyped with Papa (and then Nana & Mati too) tonight, Kaiya was imitating everything she saw Papa do. So cute and funny!

Both girls are back in bed now. They’ve been so good about bedtime. Yay! Hopefully this will continue without issue. J

And now it’s time for me to follow them, I think. 

Gotcha & Honeymooning

Ah…what a day!! Both of my 2 new beautiful girls in my arms at last! Oh, to have Mati here with us!

The morning was long and rather boring, honestly. The car we were supposed to ride in was having problems starting up, so we spent the first 3 ½ hours at the mechanic, waiting while he tried to fix it. I was able to have some productive conversation with the man who will be helping coordinate things with the girls and me while I’m here, so all was not lost. I was still glad though, when he finally said we would have to get a taxi to take us, since the car was still acting up.

First to Kaiya’s orphanage. The building was Spartan and not in great condition, but the children were still quick to smile or laugh when given attention. And my smiling girl met me at the gate with beautiful flowers! The children sang us a couple of songs, saying goodbye to their friend. Then we visited with the orphanage director for some time before heading out. Kaiya wiped a few tears out of her eyes as we left the place that has been her home until now. Then, as we got in the car, she snuggled up to me and wrapped her arm around me. J

It was a long drive to Ada’s orphanage, which is more in the country just outside of Kinshasa. Kaiya was well on her way to falling asleep when we arrived. As we got out of the car, Kaiya held tight to my hand as though afraid she would lose me. We went into the director’s office and waited there for a few minutes until Ada walked in. She had a huge grin on her face as she came in, and the three of us had a group hug and picture before moving on to other things. We briefly walked around to see a little bit of the orphanage grounds, then back to the office to spend a few more minutes before we piled back into the car to return to the guesthouse. Both girls fell asleep on the way back to the guesthouse; Kaiya on my lap and Ada on my shoulder. A couple of other precious car memories: Ada’s huge smile (almost disbelieving) when I handed her and Kaiya some brightly colored sunglasses, and her whispered “Merci!” And Kaiya giving the rest of her PB crackers to Ada when she was finished with them.

Back at the guesthouse, it might as well have already been Christmas Day here. The girls “oohed” and “aahed” over all the clothes, toys, and activities that awaited them. We ate dinner, played for a while, and then called home. It was a pretty amazing time talking to Papa, Nana, and Matani. All 3 girls did great, especially considering the total language barrier. What a precious time!

When we reluctantly hung up, I had some moments of wondering if bedtime was going to be difficult. Far from it! Ada actually asked me if they could go to bed, saying they were tired. We brushed teeth, showered, put brand-new jammies on, and sat on the bed to read a couple books and the Bible. After we finished, Ada asked if we could pray. We did, and their sincere little faces as they breathed out fervent prayers in a language I don’t understand nearly took my breath away. They laid down and were asleep by the time I finished getting ready for bed myself. It may just be the honeymoon, with our more challenging days ahead, but I’ll take it! J

Thank you Lord, for finally bringing this day. My heart aches tonight to be with Matani again…please hasten that day!

First Impressions

I’ve made it! Yes, I’m finally here in the Congo, and will be going to pick up my daughters tomorrow morning!

So many mixed emotions…thrilled and anxious to get Ada (Adalie) and Kaiya (Mikaiya), missing Matani and my parents and family at home, and many others which are more difficult to identify.

The country and city are much as I expected to find them. The sights, sounds, and smells remind me a great deal of India. Great beauty mixed with great poverty. The people I have met thus far have been delightful. Standing in the airport baggage claim, realizing in dismay that all the luggage carts had already been claimed and trying to figure out how on earth I was going to carry all 180 pounds worth of luggage out of the airport, two separate people came up to me and gave me helpful advice on finding a cart. Then, before I really had opportunity to jump on their suggestions, a driver from the guesthouse where I’m staying came up to me (with my name on a little hand-written sign) and introduced himself. I told him my dilemma and he immediately told me not to worry and guided me over to the conveyer belt before disappearing briefly. He reappeared moments later with a cart. Problem solved and the Lord continues to take care of me. J

The city itself is bustling, with a constant flow of people walking or selling on the side of the road. There are many friendly faces, much loud and boisterous conversation, and just the general cacophony of city life. Welcome to Kinshasa!

As a footnote, when I called home to let everyone know I’d arrived safely, Mati really wasn’t particularly interested in talking to me. Her first words to me, “I want to talk to my sisters! Where are they?” After telling her I’d go get them tomorrow, she was slightly mollified, but still clearly impatient. J

A Long Overdue Update

Wow…so much has happened the past few months that I hardly know where to begin. I know I’ve neglected this blog terribly, so I’ll attempt to make up for it in the few posts.

Here I sit on an airplane, on my way to pick up 2 beautiful girls and bring them home. It’s not happening quite the way I originally planned, but it’s happening nonetheless. The original plan was for me to go and spend about 10 days in the DRC while the very last step of their process was completed: their exit permit. But now, I have decided to go early and stay there with them as long as it takes, until I can bring them home. There are still a few steps left in their processes, but the general summary is that the adoptions of both girls are final (they are legally mine), but I am still waiting for them to receive their US visas. Both of them are lacking one or more documents which must be present before their visa application can even be submitted to the US Embassy. This means I am looking at perhaps a 4-6 week stay. Quite a big difference from the 10 day trip!

So why did I decide to do this, you might ask? To be honest, there are a few reasons, but the biggest one, and the most important, is that I truly felt like the Lord said, “It’s time.” And so here I go!

The downsides to this? The biggest one: leaving my Matani for so long. Not an easy choice, even though she’s in good hands with Nana and Papa. Secondly, it’s not cheap to live here, so it increased my costs significantly. Ugh!

The upsides? More time spent here with the girls, bonding with them in the context of their own culture and language. I am also hoping that my presence here will help to speed things along a bit and minimize unnecessary delays.

Prayer requests: Please pray for speedy processing of all our paperwork and the girls’ visas! Pray for our health and safety while there. Pray for the bonding process with the girls, particularly with the language barrier. Pray that I will be a light for the Lord while there and that I will be able to impact those around me. Pray that I will be wise and frugal with our finances. And please, please pray that we will be able to come home soon!

The faith of a child

I know, I know...I've badly neglected this blog for the past couple of months. Even more so since big things have actually been happening! As of September 24, 2012, it's official: I have a second daughter and Matani has a big sister. Her name means "Yahweh is just and wise." And she's beautiful! A.S. is the older of the two girls I'm praying will be home soon. Please continue to pray that M.J.'s case will pass court soon!

For A.S., there are still several steps before I'm able to go get her. I am praying hard to be able to travel sometime in November to pick her up. I will admit that this is a very optimistic hope and that it might well take a miracle for all the pieces to fall into place that quickly. But I serve a miracle working God, right? Why not pray for the impossible...or at least the highly improbable?

So will you continue to pray with me? Praise the Lord with me that there is one less orphan in the world! Pray that M.J.'s case will pass court ASAP and that orphan count will drop once again. Pray for the health and safety of both girls, for paperwork to be processed and generated quickly, and for the final details to fall into place. Please continue to believe with me that both of my daughters will be home with me before the end of this year.

Before ending this post, I want to share a sweet story about Matani. She is so excited about her new sisters and asks about them several times a day. A few nights ago as we were rocking and praying together before bed, she prayed this prayer: "Thank you, Jesus, for my sisters. They're being sooooooo slow to come home. Please, please, please, please, please bring them home soon!" She paused for a few seconds and then looked at me and said, "He said yes!" She continued praying as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, and I wept silently at the sweet faith of my precious girl. There is a hope and expectancy in my spirit that the Lord has indeed said "Yes!" and that He will be bringing my girls home soon.

P.S. I know many of you are eager to see pictures of both my girls. For the time being, in an attempt to better ensure their safety and protection, I have decided to continue to keep their names and faces private until I actually bring them home. If you see me in person, feel free to ask to see their pictures...I have them with me at all times. :)

Dresses for DRC update

Thank you for the great response to the Dresses for DRC that I'm sewing and selling to raise money to bring A.S. and M.J. home! I've added some new fabrics, so if you're interested but haven't had time to order yet, go check out these pictures. Don't wait too long - some of the fabric patterns are sold out or getting close to being sold out!

To date, I've received orders for 38 dresses.

21 of those will be headed to the DRC to clothe some beautiful little orphans! Way to live out James 1:27 guys!

My goal is still to take 100 dresses with me to the DRC. Will you jump on board? Will you consider donating $20 to clothe an orphan and to help pave the road to bring my 2 precious girls home?

Email me at rachelaheller@yahoo.com for more information.

Sewing the dresses has become a family affair.

 

Mati is thrilled that she's such a big helper!

The finished product!

Right now, the first 3 families to adopt from the DRC with my agency are there in Kinshasa (the capital city) picking up their little ones. So exciting! Please pray for safety and health for all of them, as well as for a quick and easy bonding and attachment period with their children. It will be a huge adjustment for all of them! The agency director is there with them and is planning to visit all the children currently being adopted, including A.S. and M.J. This means I will hopefully receive new pictures, video, and information soon. Hooray! Continuing to pray for the process to go smoothly and speedily. Continuing to hope that my girls are home by the end of the year.

Dresses for DRC

Hi faithful friends and followers, 

I'm hoping to get the paperwork this week that say that the court process has been completed and that I'm now somewhere in the 30 day appeal period after Adoption Court. Actually, I'm really hoping that the paperwork will show that this 30 day period is almost complete and that things can really start moving forward. 

In the meantime, I have an exciting opportunity to share with you! As you know, I still have a little ways to go before I have all the money needed to bring the girls home. Most of the funds needed at this point are simply to cover the travel costs of flying to the DRC to pick them up and bring them back. It will take quite a large chunk of money to do this: probably somewhere between $8,000-$10,000. Whew! 

To this end, I've decided to make and sell little girls' dresses to raise some of the money needed. There are a few ways that you can be involved in this and help out! Here they are: 

1. Buy a dress (or 2 or 3...) for your daughter/granddaughter/niece/friend/etc! Each dress is $20 and they come in sizes 3 months-12 years old. Here's what they look like:

Choose from the fabric selections here: https://plus.google.com/photos/102394281321765156804/albums/5775140893517295009?authkey=COmcgLukxPi7pwE and email me at rachelaheller@yahoo.com to tell me which selection you want, what size you need, and to find out about payment options. Some of the selections will sell out quickly, so don't wait too long! 

2. Buy a dress (or 2 or 3...) for a little girl in an orphanage in the DRC. I would love to take 100 dresses with me to give to the little girls in the orphanages where A.S. & M.J. have been living. Would you like to be a part of making that happen while also helping raise they money to bring A.S. & M.J. home? Buy a dress for $20...all the financial proceeds will go directly toward adoption costs and the dress will go to a little girl in need. Email me at rachelaheller@yahoo.com to find out about payment options.

3. Are you a seamstress? You can help me sew! The pattern is very simple and quick to make and I can provide you with the fabric if you live here in the Valley of the Sun. If you live elsewhere, but would like to help sew, let me know. Email me at rachelaheller@yahoo.com and we can figure out all the details! 

4. Share this opportunity with your friends! Do you know someone who might like a dress for their little girl? Or who has a heart to help orphans and would like to order a dress for some sweet Congolese orphans? Share this blog page with them and invite them to be a part. 

5. Donate money. If you just have it on your heart to donate money to the girls' adoptions, there are a couple ways you can do so: 

- Send a check to Lifesong for Orphans (Please put "Preference: Heller #2900 adoption" in the memo line of the check). Donations through them are tax-deductible and 100% of the funds go directly to fund this adoption. Their address is

Lifesong for Orphans

PO Box 40/ 202 N. Ford St.

Gridley, IL 61744

- You can donate directly to my Paypal account through the Paypal button on the ride side of this blog. These deductions do not go through Lifesong and will not be tax-deductible. 

- You can mail a check directly to me. Email me at rachelaheller@yahoo.com for more information. 

6. Pray, pray, pray! Please continue praying that all the paperwork and processes continue smoothly and quickly so that the girls can home before the end of the year. Pray for all the necessary finances to come in quickly. Pray for the girls health and safety while they're still in the DRC. And pray that the Lord will continue to put orphans in families. 

Thank you all! 

Waiting

Yes, more waiting. But I am hopeful that any day (perhaps this week?) I will hear news that both stages of court have been completed and that the girls are tentatively mine. Tentatively, because after the second stage of court there is that 30 day appeal period before the adoption deed and final legal documents can be issued.

In the meantime, I do have some good news! A wonderful organization, called Lifesong for Orphans has approved me for an adoption fundraising account through their organization. I am still in need of about $18,000 (including travel expenses) in order to be able to bring A.S. and M.J. home. If you would like to be a part of bringing these precious girls home, you can make a tax-deductible donation through Lifesong for Orphans. To do so, you would simply write "Preference: Heller #2900 adoption" in the memo line of your check and mail it to:

Lifesong for Orphans

PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St

Gridley, IL 61744

*Note: In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization, Lifesong for Orphans. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.

100% of all funds received by Lifesong go directly to cover adoption costs. Nothing is taken out for administrative purposes. 

If you choose to use the Paypal button on the ride side of the screen, those donations will go directly to my own Paypal account, not to Lifesong, and would not be tax deductible. Any donations through Paypal will also go directly to adoption costs.

Aside from all of this, please do continue to pray for the health and safety of both of the girls, and for the paperwork and legal process to be completed quickly. I am still asking the Lord to bring them home before the end of this year. I can hardly wait to hold them in my arms! 

Where we are

Just thought I'd give a little update on where the girls' adoption process is at the moment (see http://africamommy.blogspot.com/2012/05/update-timeline.html for the overall timeline). The 30 day wait for both girls' birth certificates finished on June 9th, so hopefully and prayerfully our case has already been submitted to the court system and I am hoping to hear in the next week or two that we've passed the first stage of court. This stage is called consent court, and is basically just a meeting between the girls' guardians (currently the orphanage directors), myself (via my lawyer as my power-of-attorney), and the justice of the peace. In this meeting, all 3 parties give their consent for the adoptions to proceed.

A couple weeks after that, I will hopefully hear that we have passed the second stage of court, in which the adoptions are tentatively finalized, pending another 30 day appeal period. At the end of that appeal period, a no-appeal decree is issued, followed by the adoption decree and eventually the girls' new birth certificates with their new names, including "Heller" as their last name! I think that my estimate of picking them up sometime in November or December is still reasonable, though I continue to pray that things will be expedited and they will come home sooner.

Looking forward to the day when I will finally meet them in person!

My own thoughts and processing

I generally dislike entering into intense discussions over political/spiritual/or other touchy subjects, except with my family or friends to whom I'm very close. I guess I'm confident that with them, we'll continue to love (and like) each other, even if we strongly disagree on things. And I don't really care to use this blog as a place to air my opinions on such subjects. There are enough vocal people in the blogging world, expressing opinions from every possible angle, without my entering the fray. However, I'm going to make an exception today. On my adoption agency's online discussion board, another adoptive parent posted this link (http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/29/world/africa/africa-child-adoption/index.html?hpt=hp_c2) and asked for our thoughts. International adoptions (particularly from Africa) are something I do have strong opinions about, and I waxed eloquent enough to post the following response to the article, which I thought I'd share with any of you who may be interested:

I've read many similar articles over the last couple of years as I've adopted my 2 year old from Ethiopia and am now adopting 2 older girls from the DRC. The article brings up valid points about the dangers involved with a huge demand for adoptable children in countries with infrastructures that are poorly equipped to manage all the complexities involved and guard against trafficking. I am glad that this discussion is continually being brought to the forefront of the adoption world, because I think that awareness of the dangers involved is important.

That being said, I disagree that the best thing to do is to discourage international adoptions from African (or other) countries, because there is a risk of children being trafficked. When more than 100 million children are languishing (and even dying) in orphanages or on the streets without parents to care for them, I don't believe that the answer is letting them stay there while the global community argues about how best to keep them within their own culture and ethnic group. I do believe that (with few exceptions) the best place for children is with their biological families. I also know that, realistically, this is not always possible. I hate that some birth-parents have to choose between watching their children starve to death in front of them or relinquishing them to an orphanage for adoption. I really, really hope that as a global community we can continue to look for solutions that will enable these brave mothers and fathers to keep and feed their children and watch them grow into healthy adults. I also hope that we can continue to advocate for and promote foster-care systems and domestic adoption programs for these countries that are affected by large numbers of orphans. But until those are viable alternatives (because they're not in many African countries), I am grateful that international adoption is an available option for these children in orphanages, who, if they even make it to adulthood, will likely struggle to become productive adults in their society after growing up without the benefit of a family and a home.

In an ideal world, there would be no orphans, and child-trafficking would be unheard of. Clearly, our world is far from that utopia. Sadly, child-trafficking will exist with or without legal international adoptions from African countries. We desperately need voices to continue to speak on behalf of the children and families who are exploited because of lax adoption laws and policies in developing countries. But let's not condemn the other 143 million true orphans to a life without family because of our failure to protect the ones who are bought, sold, or stolen.

At least that's my two cents on the matter. :) What do you think?

Update & Timeline

So for the first time in this adoption process, it actually feels like things are moving! Granted, it will still be months before I bring the girls home, but that day is actually getting closer. Hooray! As of today, there has been a tribunal hearing for both girls and court orders given that their birth certificates be issued. There is a mandatory 30 day waiting period before they can actually be issued, but that seems pretty short in the grand scheme of things. Here's what the timeline may look like from here (give or take a few days, weeks, or even months): 

- Around May 27th, M.J.'s birth certificate should be issued (could actually take an additional week or more). 

- Around June 9th, A.S.'s birth certificate should be issued (see above).

- Approximately 2 weeks after both birth certificates are issued, I can hope to pass Stage 1 of Court. (Maybe around the week of June 25?)

- Approximately 2-3 weeks later, I can hope to pass State 2 of Adoption Court, tentatively making me the legal parent of both girls. (Perhaps around July 18?)

- 30 day waiting period to allow any living relatives opportunity to claim either girl and contest the adoption. This should only be a legal formality, as neither girl has any known living relatives. 

- Adoption deed and new birth certificate (with the girls new names and me listed as parent) are able to be issued. However, it seems to be taking an additional month or so before these precious documents are actually arriving in the hands of our lawyer. (So anywhere from mid-August to mid-September)

- Submit all the legal paperwork to USCIS (U.S. Customs and Immigration Services), requesting they issue approval for the girls' US visas. (Their website says it takes about 2.5 months, but I've heard that it may be closer to 6-8 weeks; so maybe around mid-November?)

- Our DRC lawyer goes to the girls' visa interview at the US Embassy in Kinshasa, DRC. 

- I hop on a plane (maybe sometime in December?) and fly to pick up my newest daughters! 

I believe that's a semi-reasonable estimate of things. Keep in mind that almost nothing in this adoption process has complied with reasonable estimates, so I still really have no idea of when they'll be home. But continue to hope and pray that it is sooner and not later. I would love for it to be more like October or November when I go get them. But I'm glad that the Lord is ultimately in control and that His timing is perfect! 

In the meantime, I continue to enjoy my time with my precious little 2 year old. She is a joy (and a challenge!) and blesses my life daily. I love seeing the little lady she's becoming. The little loud, opinionated, energizer bunny, hysterical, remarkably articulate, stubborn, musically talented, compassionate, fun-loving lady she's becoming. There are many other adjectives I could find to describe Matani. As her name suggests, she was "stolen from death to bring forth life." And I'm not sure I know anyone on the planet who is more full of life than she. 

Sweet Journey

A few weeks ago, I posted about God, Jen Hatmaker, and Katie Davis's combined effort to ruin my life. Apparently I am no match for the three of them. I've been almost holding my breath these last weeks, just waiting for the moment when I could let you in on exactly what the Lord is doing to tear down the house of sticks I've constructed of my life and build instead a palace more breathtaking than I could ever have dreamed. That moment finally came today with the arrival of a second abandonment decree. Yes, if the Lord continues to bless this journey, there will be not one but two beautiful little Congolese girls joining the Heller family sometime  in the fall.

I mentioned in my last post that M.J. is probably about 7 years old. Did I also mention that she's adorable? She seems shy, quiet, and sweet, but I suspect there's also a spunky (and perhaps mischievous) side hiding under the surface.

A.S. is probably 8 or 9 years old. She's also beautiful. Oh, and she can sing!! She seems much more bold and confident. Probably a perfect fit for the "big sister" role into which she will be thrust.

Though they haven't yet met, both girls know about each other and that they are being adopted. I imagine that neither of them really grasp the true meaning of this concept, but I am praying that the Lord will prepare their hearts for us and prepare ours for them.

I am well-aware that this road will not be easy. It will have peaks that seem insurmountable and valleys that seem dark and unending. But with the Lord leading the way, I believe this journey will also be abundantly joyous, life-giving, and sweet.

A.S. 

M.J.

Happy Birthday, dear girl!

So for about 2 months now, I've been waiting for the abandonment decree of another beautiful little girl who was on my agency's waiting list. And this past Wednesday, it finally came! That blessed document that has been so very elusive up to this point...it was a sweet thing to finally see it and get one step closer to bringing home another daughter. There are still several more steps before this process will be complete. It will probably be at least another 6 months before I am able to travel to the DRC to meet and bring home this little one. And of course, until the process is finalized, there are still no guarantees that this little girl will actually be mine. But I hope she will be. I believe she will be the one who will become Mikaiya and join our growing family. And according to abandonment decree, today is her birthday. On paper she is turning 5...I think she's probably closer to 7. And have I mentioned that she's beautiful? After the court process is complete, I'll show you pictures of her face. For now, I'll leave you with this:

"Joy in the Congo" from 60 Minutes

Happy Easter!

I know...a new post is long-overdue! I've been holding off, in hopes of having an adoption update to post, but alas...I have no news to post quite yet. Please continue to pray that God will expedite the process of bringing these children home from the DRC whose cases are in process, and that He will provide homes for the many children still waiting. I still hope to bring a little girl home to the Heller family by this Fall, but to be honest, I am not much closer to that happening than I was last year at this time. This adoption continues to be vastly different from Matani's, both in timing and in the challenges involved. However, in the middle of the struggles, I continue to sense that this is still where the Lord is leading, and that a Congolese girl will be coming home at some point...hopefully sooner, rather than later!

In the meantime, Matani and I are rejoicing this year, along with Nana & Papa (my parents), that Christ is risen! That His death on the cross paid the high price for our sins. That the cross changes everything. What a profound concept! No longer condemned to death, hell, and condemnation; we can now live eternal life through His sacrifice. I pray that as Matani grows, she will come to a place of truly understanding this and placing her trust in Christ as her Savior. Though Mikaiya is not yet home, I also pray this for her, and for any other children the Lord may bring to our family in the future.

And now, here are some pictures of our celebration this year:

Making biscuits for breakfast

Someone was not happy about going out to take pictures...

But then this was her next face...you'd think she was two years old or something!

Beautiful girl!

We decided today would be the first official day of swimming this year.

In case you're wondering...no, the water was not the least bit warm!

She loved it nonetheless.

Next up - dying Easter eggs.

Waiting...

It's ready!

Now for the fun part: stickers!

When I ask her to smile, this is what she does. Such a ham!

Finished!

Have a blessed Easter, celebrating our Risen Lord!

A Life in Ruins

As my friends and family, I thought I should let you all know that Jen Hatmaker and Katie Davis are ruining my life.

                It's true.

                              Two little books.

                                               Easy reads.

Seven

Kisses from Katie

My life as I know it will never be the same.

Jesus said, "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." In fact, those words are recorded in three of the four Gospels (Matthew 16:24-28, Mark 8:34-38, and Luke 9:23-27). Perhaps that means they're important.

So yes...Jen & Katie, you're ruining my life. But turns out that life wasn't really worth saving after all. I'm learning more and more that the only life really worth living is the one given in reckless abandon to the One whose plans for me are far greater, more terrifying, and more wonderful than I could ever have imagined.

If you're curious, stay tuned. Details to follow...

Resolution, peace, and looking forward

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for praying with and for me the last few days/weeks/months! God has answered my prayer to place little "A" in the family He has for her. I learned today that this will not be the Heller family, but a family in Italy. And while it makes my heart ache to know that her sweet face will not be joining our family, I am glad to know that she will not spend her life as an orphan. I will continue to pray for her that she will be well-loved.

 

As I now wait and pray for the child that the Lord does have in mind for our family and who will eventually become Mikaiya, I continue to covet your prayers. My heart is a bit battered and bruised at the moment, so I could use your prayers for the Lord's comfort and healing as well.

 

Thank you and love you all!

Painful prayer

Ok...deep breath...the news today was not what I was hoping for, and is still not any sort of definitive answer.

We learned that of the 5 or 6 families with my agency who are in this same situation, at least some of those children have already been matched with Italian families and will not be available for adoption through our agency. Problem is, we still don't know which children those are. The Italian agency is supposed to be sending a list next week of the children who have been matched with Italian families, and which ones may still be available to be adopted through my agency. So the next few days are destined to be filled with more waiting, more faith-building, more trust-testing.

Strangely, I'm far more at peace now than I was when I originally learned about the involvement of this Italian agency back at the beginning of January. I hope this means that the Lord has helped me grow and mature in Him over the past month. It's certainly been a stretching time.

For now, I desperately hope that little "A" is not on the list of children who have been chosen by Italian families and that I am able to continue her adoption and bring her home. But that's not what I'm praying for. This journey began last June, when I saw her face on the waiting children list and began to pray that God would put her in the family He had for her. I will continue to pray that over her now, and I invite you to join me in this.

I am also asking the Lord that this period of waiting in limbo come to an end by next Friday, not just for me, but for all the families involved. I believe this roadblock has lasted long enough. It is time for our children to come home, regardless of whether their faces are the ones we have grown to love over the last several months or new ones that we will grow to love as we continue on this journey.

Thank you all for your faithful prayers with me throughout this journey.

An Invitation

Would you like to be a part of helping me bring Mikaiya home? I know that many, many of you would jump at the chance to make a tangible difference in the life of an orphan. Right now, there is nothing in the physical realm that any of us can "do" to bring her home. But I happen to believe in a God who rules over the hearts of kings (presidents), outcasts (orphans), and everyone in between. So beginning this Wednesday (January 25), I will be fasting and praying weekly for my daughter and the handful of other families who are in the same situation. Would you consider joining me? Fasting is simply choosing to give up something meaningful in order to better focus on the Lord. Many people choose to refrain from eating as a fast, but it could also be something like choosing to turn off your TV or computer (or smart phone) that day. Regardless of whether you join me in fasting, would you make a point to set aside a few moments that day to pray for these children? Thank you!

The Persistence of Hope (warning: long post ahead!)

In case you guys haven't figured this out yet, Mikaiya's adoption is turning out to be absolutely nothing like Matani's was. Matani's adoption took 8 months from the day I applied to adoption agency until I brought her home. Yeah...it was that quick and utterly uncomplicated.

In the 10 months since sending in my application and paperwork to begin the process again, I've gone from expecting to bring home an infant to falling in love with and choosing a 4-5 year old girl. I first thought I would be bringing home a child by last Fall, then readjusted that estimate to Christmas. Now, more than 6 months after choosing the little girl whom I hope will become my daughter, I find that there has still been no progress toward her coming home. Still waiting for that abandonment decree, which is the Congolese verification that she is really an orphan and eligible to be adopted.

A couple weeks ago, I (and a few other families who are in the same situation) learned that the reason this decree has not yet been issued to our lawyer in the Congo is because the Congolese government has already issued it to an Italian adoption agency, whose lawyer filed the paperwork sometime before ours. Basically, as long as they hold that abandonment decree, the Italian agency holds the "rights" to adopt her out to one of their families. Our (my adoption agency, lawyer, and myself) understanding is that this Italian agency has not yet "matched" her with a family, and so have agreed to release the decree and have it transferred to my agency. However, as of right now, it will not be until sometime in February that they are able to do this. The Congolese staff of this Italian agency have apparently been somewhat reserved about sharing all of the details, so we're not entirely sure when exactly this might happen. And actually, while we have no reason to doubt that they will do as they've said and give us the decree, neither do we have any guarantee that it will happen.

10 days ago when I learned of all these details, I was crushed. I felt as if any hope of bringing this beautiful little girl home had been snuffed out in the murky waters of all the questions, variables, and unknowns. I spent most of that day at work trying not to throw up and/or burst into tears. I questioned the Lord that day on so many things. He reminded me that He will come through...Always. Not necessarily in the ways I expect or want, but He will never fail me.

As I struggled through the next few days, trying to figure out where my faith was going to land, I slowly became aware of the flicker of a tiny flame that I thought had been thoroughly extinguished.

Hope. 

Hope that I will not just bring a child home, but this child.

Hope that I will bring her home sooner than seems possible right now.

Hope that the extra months spent in an orphanage will not be too damaging for her.

But most of all, Hope that my God is good and that His plans are worth waiting for. Because really, this is the only safe place to put my hope. Everyone and everything else will fail at one time or another. But God will not. In the Bible, the book of Lamentations is aptly named. It is full of grief and pain. But in chapter 3, the author reminds himself of the goodness of God in the midst of agony.

Lamentations 3: 21-23
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

It's true, I may end up bringing home a different little girl than the one whose face I'm so in love with. And you know what? If that happens, I'll still have another beautiful daughter, and an orphan will still have a family. And I may not bring her home until the summer, or fall, or winter. But in the end, she will come home. And I will trust that God's timing is perfect.

In the meantime, as I wait on the Lord, I will also allow this persistent hope to continue that little "A" will become Mikaiya. And I am also choosing to pray, beyond all reason and logic, that I will be able to travel to pick her up by my birthday, May 2nd. I believe it will take a miracle for this to happen. If it doesn't, I'm sure I'll grieve and weep, and perhaps even yell at God a bit. But I will not lose hope in Him and His promises.

I know this post is long...congratulations if you've made it this far! I'd like to finish it with the words to another song that the Lord has used to encourage me, and which epitomizes my hope:

Forever Reign, by Jason Ingram & Ruben Morgan

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to your arms
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus

Always

More soul-crushing news from the adoption agency today. Another delay. More waiting. More uncertainty. All I want to do is fall apart...curl into a little ball...cry my eyes out...hide from the world. Though I'm not feeling it right now, I know the words to this song by Kristian Stanfill are true, and I'm holding onto them tonight. For now, this is my prayer and my lifeline.

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way


Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always

Trouble surrounds me, chaos abounding
But my soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way


Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always


I life my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord...

Beautiful things...

Prayer Needed

The last few days have been pretty emotionally challenging for me. I learned of a possible complication in being able to adopt the little girl whose face I've fallen in love with over the past 6 months. There is also a very hopeful solution, which the precious and hard-working staff at Celebrate Children International are taking steps toward, but I don't yet know what the end result will be.

Please pray with me that God will be in charge of this situation and that His plan will be accomplished, both for me and for this little girl. My heart is to bring her home as a part of our family, but even more than that I want her to be in the family that God has for her. She is first and foremost His daughter, and I trust Him to do what is best for her. If He chooses to place her with me, I will be thrilled and honored. If He has another family for her, then I trust that He also has another little girl who is meant to be my daughter.

Please also pray for me, that I will rest in the Lord and trust Him, and that there will be a quick resolution to this. The most difficult thing for me right now is just the waiting without knowing. While it is difficult and painful, I can already see that the Lord is growing good things in me and teaching me more about following Him through this process. I am being reminded that as a Christian, the biggest goal of my life is to bring Him glory. And if my pain brings Him more glory than my comfort...so be it. I will gladly submit myself to His will in order to glorify Him.