Quote

I read this quote from an adoptive father today and it spoke to me, reminding me of God's great and incredible love in adopting us as His own. I thought I'd share:

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him." ~ Derek Loux

Merry Christmas!

Christmas longings

I posted the words to a Third Day song on my blog 2 years ago as I waited for Matani to come home, and it seems fitting to post them again this year. I was hoping that Mikaiya would be home with us by Christmas this year, but it looks like it will be another 4-5 months before she is finally able to come home. Please continue to pray for her well-being, for the adoption to proceed smoothly (and more quickly than it is right now!), and for the Democratic Republic of Congo. They recently held presidential elections, which did not go particularly smoothly or peacefully. The results are now hotly contested, with the losing candidate claiming that the results were fraudulent and that he is the actual winner. There is a great deal of concern over how the country will now respond. Please pray for God's hand to be on the leaders and the people of that nation, for Him to have His way there, and for many to come to the Lord through this struggle, whatever the outcome may be. Please also pray for the safety of the many, many orphaned children there, who are marginalized and poorly cared for.

And now, here are the words to "Merry Christmas":

There's a little girl, trembling on a cold December morn, 

     Crying for momma's arms.

At an orphanage just outside a little [Congo] town, 

     Where the forgotten are.

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire 

     And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine. 

It's Christmas time again but you're not home. 

Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone.

So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms. 

And I tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas. 

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights, 

     I'm warmed by the fire's glow.

Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white, 

     And make angels in the snow.

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears

     And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here. 

It's Christmas time again but you're not home. 

Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone.

So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms. 

And I tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas. 

Christmas is the time to celebrate the holy child 

     And we celebrate his perfect gift of love.

He came to earth to give his life and prepare a place for us, 

     So we could have a home with him above. 

It's Christmas time again and now you're home.  

Your family is here and you will never be alone.

So tonight before you go to bed, I'll hold you in my arms. 

And I'll tell you from my heart...I wish you Merry Christmas.

Continuing to wait and pray

On Friday, November 11th, it will have been 4 months since I officially accepted the "referral" for this precious 5 year old girl, whom I pray will be my daughter. Since that day in July, there has basically been no further progress toward bringing her home, so I'm writing to ask those of you who are prayer warriors to join with me to pray that things will begin to move again and that I will be able to bring her home soon.

I am still waiting for the Congolese government to issue what is called an abandonment decree, which is their official document verifying that she is an orphan and eligible to be adopted. Until this decree comes through, nothing more can be done. And after the decree arrives, it will probably be about 3-4 more months (minimum) before I can go pick her up, since there are still several more steps before the adoption process is complete.

I don't want to rush the Lord, since I truly believe that His timing is perfect. But I also don't want to sit idly on the sidelines, lazily waiting for the phone call that I can go get her, while this precious girl continues to sit in an orphanage. If the enemy of our souls even thinks he can steal my daughter or delay her homecoming, he's got another thing coming...this momma's ready to fight! And thankfully, the One who is a Father to the fatherless is on our side. So right now, when all I really want to do is hop on a plane and fly over there to hand-carry that decree wherever it needs to go to get whatever signatures it needs...I will choose instead to get on my knees before the Father who has loved my daughter from before the foundations of the world. And using the all-powerful name of His son, Jesus, I will wage war from foot of my bed against any who might try to stand in the way of giving this daughter a mother.

Will you join me?

Time for an update...

Yes, I really think it's time for an update on Mikaiya's adoption. Except I have no news to share. I'm still waiting for the one document that verifies to the Congolese government that she is an orphan, eligible to be adopted. Until that document arrives, things are at a standstill and her homecoming will continue to be delayed. So will you pray with me that this document will be completed and arrive soon? Will you also pray for the other families going through this process with me, many of whom are waiting for the exact same document? Thanks!

In the meantime, I thought I'd post Matani's 2 year old portraits. My beautiful girl:

Matani Turns Two!!

I can't believe it, but my baby is now two years old! Sigh...time really does go too fast. We had a family party last weekend and had a great time. Here's a summary:

Nana & the birthday girl...waiting for the rest of the family to arrive. Oh, and wearing the darling new outfit from Mrs. Burnham (Miss Becky's mother)!

Miss Becky brought mommy coffee...we love Miss Becky! And yes, my girl is a true Ethiopian. She already loves coffee, even if there's not a drop of sweetener in it. 

 Yay! The cousins are here. Layla & Mati were princesses for the day. Micah had a cowboy hat, but he wasn't crazy about wearing it.

Turns out one of the most fun things to do with a bunch of balloons is to chase the uncles around with them.

It seems Uncle Joe bore the brunt of the attack...

 

The cake...it's a zebra, in case you're wondering. :)

You can't really tell in the picture, but my hand is blocking the stream of drool that was included in Mati's "blowing" her candles out.

The kids got to sit at their own little table. This doesn't happen very often (mostly because Mati is continually running back and forth from the kids table to the adult table, dropping pieces of food along the way), so it was pretty special.

Yummmmmmm!!

Opening presents: pretend fruits and veggies that you can "peel" and "cut" from Mommy: 

Veggie Tales "Hosanna" CD from Uncle Joe & Aunt Evie...between this one and the Veggie Tales 80's Music from G.G., you have no idea how many times throughout each day we have nasally, slightly off-key veggie voices floating through our house.

From Uncle Ben, Aunt Louisa, Layla, Micah, & Claire...what could it be?

A "Little People" minivan! It even comes with a mommy and baby. So cute!

Mati loves to "help" Nana when she cleans the house, so Nana got her a Mati sized cleaning set, complete with broom, dustpan, and vacuum (that actually does suck slightly!).

   

Beautiful, sparkly, high-heeled dress-up shoes from Uncle Paul & Miss Becky. Yes, Mati instantly fell in love with them and put them on. Too big? Doesn't matter a bit. High heels? No problem, she careens around the house in them as if she were wearing tennis shoes.

Sigh...my little Cinderella:

 Next order of business: Bubbles!

Uncle Ben won the prize for the best bubble-blower.

Micah won the prize for the best bubble popper. Can't you just sense the impending doom for this bubble?

On to the trampoline for a bit. Mati wasn't too sure about this game of Uncle Ben bouncing everyone else.

I think she was wise to be afraid...

This was the position she assumed the entire time Ben was bouncing.

Layla & Micah then tried their hand at bouncing their Daddy. Though they tried hard, the results weren't quite as dramatic.

We had to make everyone sit down and take a break so Mati could bounce her little heart out for a few minutes. She's definitely a solo-bouncer. Smart girl!

Happy birthday, little darling! Mommy loves you!

Patience & Trust

Does anyone really enjoy learning patience? I think not. At least I don't believe I've ever heard anyone say that's a process they enjoy. The Bible is pretty clear that learning to wait on God is a good thing, and I know that what it says is true, but still...the whole waiting thing: it's just generally not fun. I guess that waiting on God is as much about trusting that His timing is best as it is about patience. But trust is another one of those virtues that's also not much fun to have to learn. Having said this, I have to mention that one of the best ways to learn both of these things is to go through the process of adopting a child.

You'd think that having adopted Matani more than a year ago that I'd have this whole thing down pat. Not so. If anything, I'm finding the wait even more difficult this time. Perhaps it's because there are many more unknowns this time around, as this is the first time my agency has worked in the DRC. Perhaps it's because Matani walks around all the time now, talking about "Taiya" (yes, her K sound generally comes out more like a T). Perhaps it's because there is absolutely nothing I can do to hurry this process along at all. I know for certain that some of my anxiousness comes from the fact that no real progress has been made for about a month and a half now. It's not that anything's wrong, or that anyone is slacking...it's just that it's another country, another culture, and things work differently. Timelines are difficult to nail down. Necessary paperwork is sometimes difficult to obtain. Right now, there's one more document that has to be generated for Mikaiya before the lawyer can request a birth certificate for her. And our case can't be submitted to court in the DRC until that birth certificate is in hand. And like I said, there's nothing I can do to speed this up. No phone calls to be made; no letters to be written; no money to be paid. I'm not the only one enduring this wait. There are 3-4 other familes adopting through CCI who at exactly the same place as I am in the process. And we are all in a place where there is nothing we can do except...except what? Except put our trust, our hope, our questions, our fears in the hands of the all-powerful, all-knowing, everywhere-present Creator of the universe; the One who is a self-described Father to the fatherless, who defends the cause of the orphan, sets the lonely in families, and who lays upon His people the mandate to care for orphans. Wow...when putting it that way, it seems a little silly that I get so anxious about this, doesn't it? Forgive me, Lord, when I forget that Your hands are big enough to do this job; that your arm is long enough to reach Mikaiya where she sleeps night after night in an orphanage; and that Your love for her is greater than mine could ever even hope to be. And Lord, as I learn to wait patiently on You, I continue to ask that Your timing for her homecoming will be quick...that my daughter will sleep in my arms soon, just as she sleeps in Yours now.

Smiles are contagious

The beginning of this week was hard for me. Sue, the director of my adoption agency (Celebrate Children International, www.celebratechildren.org) landed in the DRC with her daughter last Monday, and from that point forward, all I could think about was hearing an update and seeing more pictures of my darling Mikaiya. For days I felt sick to my stomach, had trouble sleeping, and could hardly focus on anything else. The desire to know how my soon-to-be daughter was doing was all-consuming.

On Thursday morning, I learned some devastating news about another family who is adopting from the DRC. It had nothing to do with Mikaiya, but that made it no less heartbreaking, and it made me even more desperate to know how she was doing and that she was being cared for. I cried for that family multiple times on Thursday, and began to feel like I was losing my mind in my anxiety to hear about Mikaiya. You know the verse, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God"? It's a great verse. And I didn't even come close to obeying it. Well, ok let's be honest: I obeyed parts of it. The prayer, supplication, and letting my requests be made known to God parts I did great with. I didn't just knock on the doors of heaven that day...I banged my fists, hammered with everything I could muster, and shouted at the top of my spiritual lungs. But the "be anxious for nothing" and "thanksgiving" parts...those I failed at rather miserably. But you know what? My God is gracious beyond anything I deserve, and He chose to hear and see this daughter of His that was acting something like a screaming two year old on His doorstep. In Genesis 16, the Lord is described as "the God who sees me." I told Him on Thursday morning that I needed Him to "see" me that day. And He did.

At about 2:00am that night (Friday morning) I received 2 emails from Sue with more than 40 pictures of my little one. Until that point, I'd only ever seen one picture of her. It's the one posted on the right side of my blog with her wearing the t-shirt that says "Grow". I can't show her face online until the adoption is complete, but in that picture she just looks worried, confused, concerned, and sad. All of those things that break a mother's heart. In these new pictures from Sue, she's smiling in almost every one. And can I just tell you how beautiful her smile is? She's got beautiful big dark brown eyes that look like they're sparkling with mischief (she and Matani are going to get along great in that respect!), little white teeth with a funny little gap between 2 of the upper ones, and the darling-est (I know it's not a real word...just go with it) dimple on her left cheek. It's the kind of smile that makes you smile back. The kind of smile that brings sweet relief to this anxious mother's heart. The kind of smile I still hope and pray to be able to see in person in the next few months.

And may I encourage you again to continue to pray that the process moves smoothly and quickly? Because the faster it goes, the sooner I can post a picture of this breathtaking smile for all of you to see. :)

I was realizing today that it's been a while since I've posted. The only reason for that is I haven't really had any big news, stories, or prayer requests to write about. That's still the case, but I figured it was time to write something anyway.

Mikaiya's adoption is still going smoothly as far as I know. All of the paperwork is completed and the last I heard it was in the Congo being translated before being submitted to Congolese court. That was a couple weeks ago, so I'm hoping to hear an update sometime soon. Celebrate Children International's (my adoption agency) director just arrived in the DRC for a short stay and plans to visit Mikaiya's orphanage, among others. This means that I should receive some more pictures (and maybe even video!) of Mikaiya within the next few days. Needless to day, I'm almost breathless with anticipation! I was able to send a care package for Mikaiya, including some clothes, pictures of our family, a doll, and some things for the other children in her orphanage. Sue will be delivering these things this week. I am so blessed to have such an amazing agency, with such an involved director!

Matani continues to grow and develop into a beautiful, precocious, dramatic (and a bit strong-willed) 2 year old. She sings and dances almost non-stop, gives out hugs and kisses frequently to those she loves, and continues to bless my life on a daily basis. A couple days ago when rummaging through a box of things I'm waiting for her to grow into, she discovered a pair of shoes. Now for the most part, Mati could really care less what I dress her in. Frills or rags...it doesn't make much of a difference to her, except for one thing...she cares about her shoes. She loves going through her little shoe basket (it currently holds about 4-5 pairs of shoes, I think) and choosing which pair she'll be wearing each day. So while looking through this box of too big clothes, we found a pair of shoes she hasn't yet seen. They're a hand-me-down from a little neighbor girl and they're pink, with tiny high heels and a Disney princess on the toe. Oh, and they're the kind where the heel lights up when you walk in them. I'm pretty sure Mati thought she'd died and gone to heaven. It didn't matter that the shoes are 2 sizes too big. Nope, she shoved her feet into those darling shoes, waited for me to snap the strap and then proceeded to march all over the house in them, loving the little "click, click, click" that accompanied the sparkling lights in her heels as she walked. She kept them on the entire day and has insisted on wearing them for at least some portion of the last couple of days. Today's outfit was anything but girly...she was just around the house all day, so I didn't bother to dress her up. Now even though she loves her prissy shoes, that doesn't stop her from tromping around the backyard and getting as dirty as possible while wearing them. Here's my little girl who can't quite decide if she's a tomboy or runway model:

 

We continue to pray for Mikaiya every night before Matani goes to bed and I invite you to do the same. We pray for her health, safety, for the Lord to send people to love on her and give her lots of hugs (this week it's Sue and her daughter Julie!), and we pray that the Lord will bring her home soon. Matani is already starting to love her big sister, though she hasn't met her yet. She adores the picture we have hanging above Mikaiya's bed and talks to it nightly. She tells Mikaiya all about our family, going through and naming all of us, including aunts, uncles, and cousins. She rocks the picture and sings to her. She played "Ring Around the Rosie" with her the other night. And finally, before letting me put the picture back on the wall each night, she gives it a big slobbery kiss. Tonight after kissing the picture, she very gently wiped the glass of the picture with her blankie before handing it back to me, cleaning off the smudges her fingers and lips had deposited there. 

The Wall of Jericho a.k.a. Pobby

So Mati and I were reading in her little story Bible about Joshua and the wall of Jericho tonight. Her Bible has cute pictures in it, and Mati is very interactive as we read. Of course, she's not quite 2, so I really have to make things pretty exciting as we read to keep her attention. And I also have to expect several interruptions and distractions during the story as well. She likes to point at the pictures and say the names of the things she recognizes. For instance, the picture in the story tonight has a cow in the corner (see picture below).

 

On a typical story night, she would point to the cow and proudly announce "cow." Generally she will repeat herself, "Cow...cow...cow...cow..." until I acknowledged that aforementioned picture is indeed a cow and she is right.

Tonight, however, she completely ignored the cow and instead pointed to the tunnel in the wall and announced "Pobby".

I corrected her and said "That's the wall of Jericho." She looked at me and repeated "Pobby." Now she had a pacifier in her mouth, so the word was a bit garbled and I thought perhaps I just didn't understand what she was saying. I took the pacifier out and clarified again: "That's a tunnel in the wall." Once again, she looked at me (her expression and tone of voice were becoming patronizing at this point) and repeated "Pobby." I really don't know why I thought it a worthwhile activity to try to argue with a 2 year old, but I attempted once more to try to correct her: "No Mati, that's not a potty...that's a tunnel! See? It's a tunnel in the wall of Jericho." By this time, I could kinda see what she was talking about, so as she once again looked at me like I was crazy (I'm pretty sure she nearly rolled her eyes at me this time) and repeated her insistence that it was indeed an image of a toilet bowl, I decided to let it go. And if nothing else, I had a good laugh before tucking her in. What do you think? Tunnel or potty?

Sweet sister

The final part of Matani's "getting ready for night-night" ritual is when we sit in the rocking chair: her snuggled up with her big fleecy blankie and me sweating profusely as that big fleecy blankie reminds me that our house sits at 85 degrees until the air conditioning comes on at 8:00p.m. and makes me wish her blankie was a thin cotton sheet. But wait...that's not really what I wanted to blog about. So back to bedtime ritual: we cuddle in the rocking chair and read her Bible, pray, and then rock while we sing worship songs for a few minutes before I tuck her into bed.

Praying for Mikaiya has been a part of our bedtime ritual for a while now, but it's more special now that we have a face to match to her name. So tonight as we sat, we held the picture of her that I keep on the wall above her bed. I asked Matani if she wanted to pray for Mikaiya and she started stroking the face in the picture and saying "Jesus loves you, Jesus loves you..." over and over and over again. In Mati's little toddler words it sounds like "Jejush wuv oo" and it may be that those were the sweetest words I've ever heard. My own eyes blurred with tears as Mati then once more put her sweet face to the picture and kissed it.

What's in a name and Falling in love

I love the rich meaning and significance that is often given to the names of people in the Bible. Names were used as both curses and blessings. And many names were prophetic...a parent's prayer for the future of their child. As I chose Matani's name, my decision was based largely on it's meaning: "The one who steals from death." "The one who saves."

When I began the adoption process again in February of this year, I immediately began praying about and considering what name to give my new daughter. As I prayed, I felt the Lord speaking to me about the name which I believe He has chosen for her: Mikaiya. It means "Who is like God?" (literally: "Who is like Yahweh?"). Her birth name (which I can't share publicly until the court proceedings are finalized and she's officially a Heller) means "full of grace" and will remain as her middle name.

This means that when hers and Mati's full names are combined, the meaning will be: "Who is like God? The One who is full of grace; the One who steals from death and brings forth life."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever experienced the puzzling and wondrous sensation of falling in love with someone you've never even met? I imagine that all of you who have had children, whether biologically or adopted, have experienced this phenomenon. I remember pondering this over and over again during Matani's adoption, and now I find myself experiencing it again. My heart is full of love for this precious little 4 year old, and I ache for her to be "mine" and to be able to wrap my arms around her. I see this love for her sprouting in the rest of our family as well.

My sister-in-law told me that a few nights ago, my precious 4 year old niece was praying for her newest cousin before going to bed. Without any prompting from her parents, she prayed that God would take care of Mikaiya, give her lots of food, and that He would heal her heart. I think my niece must comprehend the pain and brokenness that would come from being left without a family at her age. The Lord has given her a heart of compassion for this little girl her own age whom she's never met, yet will soon be related to her. Yes, Lord...heal my daughter's heart.

I have a picture of Mikaiya framed and hanging above the bed that will be hers in the room she will share with Matani. Several times a day I will help Mati climb up on the bed so she can look at her sister and practice saying her name. Tonight before getting into her own bed, she climbed up to look at her sister's face again. As she stood there, she put her hand on the glass and said, "Awwww...", then leaned forward and kissed Mikaiya's face. Yes, Lord...bond these two girls together as sisters.

So yes, the Heller family is falling in love. Please continue to pray for the process to go quickly and smoothly. Specifically, I ask that you would pray that Mikaiya is able to come home by Christmas of this year. I have no way of knowing if that's within the realm of natural possibilities, but I do know that it's within the reach of our All-powerful God. And who is like Him, after all?

Another beginning and another journey...

If you've found your way to this blog, you probably already know some of the story of our family adoption journey, but allow me to briefly refresh your memory of the previous part of our journey before I begin to tell you about the upcoming twists and turns in our travels through life.

About 2 years ago, I returned to the U.S. after living, working, and ministering in NW India for a couple of years. I returned, knowing that God had big, exciting, and perhaps slightly terrifying plans for the next stage of my life. I'd felt Him calling me to adoption for a while, but in the summer of 2009, I knew that it was finally time to pursue this dream. With the Lord's help, and amazing support from many of you reading this, I brought home my beautiful little Matani Enat just one year later. It is hard to adequately put into words how wonderful and challenging my life with her has been this past year. I told a friend, "My worst days with her are still better than my best days before I had her." That is so very true, though it doesn't mean that my life is easy or simple. Being a working single mother holds a lot of challenges, but through it all the Lord is faithful and life is good.

Now I am thrilled and excited to tell you that another little African princess will be joining our family. A beautiful little 4 year old girl from the Democratic Republic of Congo (formerly Zaire) will hopefully be coming home to our family sometime within the next 6 months or so. I am amazed at the Lord's hand in all of this. He has clearly led the way on this continuing adventure, and His plans surprised and overjoyed me. I can't wait for this little darling to join us, and while she waits to come home, I ask that you would pray with me for her health and safety. Please pray that the process will go smoothly, without complications, and that I will be able to bring her home quickly.

Thank you for your continued interest in our lives. I know it means you love us, and I am blessed by that. I hope you know that we love you in return. Our lives are richer because of you.